The Guilt of the Second Language

Growing up in Costa Rica, a small and mighty country in Latin America in the early 2000s, learning English was — and remains to this day — a doorway to a higher-paying job and greater stability than knowing only Spanish (even if stability feels debatable today).

Yet learning English remains a struggle for many. Some of us spent all of elementary and high school in English classes, only to graduate with little to no ability to actually speak or write complex ideas in English. Exposure does not yield effectiveness.

I had my own difficult journey learning English. During my first years studying Computer Science, I realized that if I wanted to learn what I wanted to learn, I needed to better understand the language. I made it through, after years of effort, thanks to people that cared about me and complex journey. But that is a story I will leave for another time.

Coming from this context, knowing how hard it can be to overcome the mental walls and vulnerability it takes to learn a second language, sometimes I feel guilty that my primary form of expression in a professional context is English. I feel like I am gatekeeping others from reading and learning what I know now, knowing the struggles they may have to understand it.

You may say:

“Why don’t you use AI to translate your content? It’s super easy nowadays.”

While it is easy, and I am glad these technologies benefit the world. It’s not the same.

Something I learned once I developed an advanced understanding of a second language is that your brain doesn’t just swap words. If I were to write in Spanish, simply translating the content word for word I will not do it any justice; it is not enough. The references I use, the way ideas are structured and presented are different.

I develop thoughts that combine both languages at the same time, because the meaning may not have a direct translation on the other, and the context it provides is a lot richer. But as you know, the ideas in our head many times play very different coming out of our mouths.

Because of this, there are certain things that have become second nature to a certain language in my brain. For example: when I communicate at my community vs when I communicate at work. I default to one without thinking.

Second nature, is a way our brains save energy. Moving things from a higher processing to a decision can be done automatically by our Fast Thinking brain ¹.

But second nature have a hidden cost. When the predictions in your brain do not match what you are doing, it creates friction

This friction is also what makes it challenging to even try leaping back to Spanish for my work. I am used to an English keyboard layout; I sometimes try to change the language of the tools I use and get lost in the effort required for things that are already second nature. It is not that I cannot do it; it is that it adds friction. Am I lazy?

At the same time, English is the bridge not just to America, but to the world. This may not be a statistical truth, but at least from the exposure I have had. English is a likely second language for many parts of the world, not just English based countries. I have had co-workers from India, Japan, Germany, Brazil, Poland, and many others. I’m who I am today thanks to this second language, it is now an integrated part of me that allowed me to grow.

However, the lingering guilt towards my Hispanic “camaradas” is always there.

#Meditations